A great companion is someone who is a good companion. Am I just circling around? I’m not sure it does. The qualities of a person are not sex-oriented; they are person-oriented, according to the old role of a husband vs. wife. What do I look for in a spouse? My criteria may be lengthy, but they are well thought out and reasonable.
First, I want a friend. A best friend with whom I can share all the aspects of my life–the good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone who will be there for me no matter what. A shoulder to cry on in times of trouble and a sounding board for when I need to think something through. A partner with whom I can laugh and enjoy the simple things in life.
Second, I want someone who is honest and trustworthy. Someone who will be truthful with me even when it hurts. Someone who will not try to take advantage of me or manipulate me.
Third, I want someone who is patient and understanding. Someone who will not get easily angered or defensive but will be able to talk through problems calmly and rationally. Someone whose first instinct is not to fight but to find a resolution that works for both of us.
Fourth, I want someone who loves me unconditionally and accepts me for who I am–flaws and all. Someone who will see the beauty in my imperfections and love me even more for them.
Fifth, I want someone who is supportive and encouraging. Someone who will cheer me on when I am working towards a goal and be there to help pick me up when I stumble and fall. Someone who believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself.
Last, but certainly not least, I want someone who is comfortable with who they are as a person. Someone who is confident and secure in their own skin. Someone who does not need me to complete them or make them happy but rather someone who compliments me and adds to my life in a positive way.
This is my list for an ideal husband. While it may be long, it is by no means exhaustive. Nor is it set in stone. As I grow and change as a person, so too will my list. But for now, this is what I am looking for in the man I marry.
I’m looking for a guy who is kind, lighthearted, and trustworthy. I want my relationship with my spouse to be built on love and honesty. It’s a tall order, isn’t it? Let me explain myself. Affection and trust are the essentials of a strong marriage. They are more durable than romantic love based on physical attraction because they include the essence of love. Unthinking beauty has nothing to commend itself; rather, it stimulates thoughtless enjoyment in others.
I am looking for an affectionate man, in other words, a man capable of loving without possessing, a man who will never say: “I love you” but who will show that he loves me by the way he treats me on a daily basis, by his total self-giving.
A sense of humor is important to me because it is proof of intelligence and because it allows two people to overcome difficult situations together. It is also a precious quality in moments of intimacy when we share our innermost thoughts with one another and need to laugh at ourselves.
Trust is essential in any relationship but even more so in marriage which is based on complete mutual confidence. Being trustworthy myself, I expect my husband to be the same. Lastly, I would like the man I marry to be someone with whom I can enjoy spending time, whether we are taking a walk, attending a concert or simply staying at home. The man I choose will be my best friend as well as my husband.
I am not asking for the impossible. On the contrary, I believe that what I am looking for is well within reach if we each do our part. Love blossoms when we give it a chance and when we open our hearts to others.
Respect is crucial in any relationship, and I mean respect, note wonder or fear, but only respect that includes self-respect and may be stretched far to cover the cracks and feelings. With my future spouse, I would want him to be straightforward with me.
I would like to be married to a man who is interested in my career and can support me in my professional pursuits. I want to be with someone who makes me feel special, loved and cherished. I want to be with someone who makes me laugh, and whom I can have fun with. Lastly, I want to be with someone who will love me for who I am, flaws and all.
A marriage is a partnership, and it grows with time and may mature into a relationship in which words are no longer required yet complete comprehension is still possible. It’s a connection that can’t be built on lies or half-truths. I don’t just mean emotional friendship when I use the term “frank.” Is it not more grateful to my husband that he be acquainted with my friends from days gone by than that I spring a surprise on him or leave him to discover for himself?
A marriage is not like a plant that withers away with neglect. It needs constant attention and watering with love, understanding, give-and-take, patience and perseverance. If any of these are lacking, the relationship will suffer and may even die.
Love marriage may be in vogue these days but I do not think it is the best foundation on which to build a lifetime companionship. In my opinion, love marriages are mostly physical affairs that later turn into mental ones. The couple does not really know each other well enough before they take the plunge and as a result there are more divorces among love marriages than arranged ones.
Of course, an arranged marriage does not guarantee a happy and successful one. It all depends on the individuals concerned and how much they are willing to work at it. If two people who do not really love each other can make an arranged marriage work, then surely two people who love each other can make a love marriage work.
I have often heard people say that they would never be able to marry someone they did not love. My reply to them is, “Then you will never know true love because real love does not happen overnight, it is a slow and gradual process.” True love requires sacrifice, understanding and give-and-take from both partners. If you are not prepared to make these sacrifices then you are not ready for marriage.
A good marriage is not just about finding the right person, it is also about being the right person. So, if you want to have a happy and successful marriage, start by working on yourself. Be honest, understanding, patient, sacrificing and above all, be prepared to work hard at it. If you can do all these things then you are well on your way to having the perfect marriage.